The Punk Rock "Gourmet"
by Mel Whitehead

One of the best things about being a punk rock girl is that no one expects you to cook or clean. While others stress over trivialities like napkin rings and the right wine glasses for reds, we can concentrate on the important things?going to see bands, drinking, and plotting the eventual overthrow of the government. That said, occasionally you want to eat something besides frozen pizza, peppers and eggs, and oreos dipped in cool whip. But I still don?t want to cook--I just wanna eat! So I look for the easiest way out. I probably don?t want to shop, or spend too much money if I have to. Today I was thinking about that can of yams I bought recently. I knew I had to go to the liquor store, so I decided to get some Old Crow and make some bourbon mashed sweet potatoes.

Tools:
1 big big can of yams or sweet potatoes in syrup (that's 40 oz, like a big beer)
can opener a pot to cook them in
1/4 cup of bourbon (you know you already have this.
Note: the better stuff really does taste better)
1/4 cup maple syrup, or use 1/4 cup of the syrup from the can of yams
2 tbs butter (optional. Fat makes everything taste better)
a masher,
a mixer,
or food processor

Open the can. It will cost you anywhere from 99 cents to $1.79, but it?ll be worth it. Throw the contents in a big pot, and put the heat on medium. Let em simmer for a bit. You?re just heating it up, it?s already cooked. Once that?s done, drain out the liquid, and if you?re using the syrup from the can, reserve 1/4 cup of the liquid you pour off. If you don?t have a measuring cup, 1/4 is about 2 fingers in a standard coffee mug. Let?s pretend no one reading this has a food processor. If you do, you?re already way beyond me and shouldn?t be reading this. So, into the pot with the yams you pour 1/4 of the syrup, 1/4 cup of the bourbon, and the butter. Take your masher or your mixer and go to town. Think about your nasty landlord as you mash those yams. Right about the time when you?re visualizing that gelatinous stuff oozing out of your landlord?s broken face, you?re done. Yummy!

I made this with a "salad" (one head of 79 cent red leaf lettuce, some cheap croutons, and some salad dressing) and a couple of nuked fake chickie patties, and it looked like I served a dinner! It was awesome.

Mel Whitehead is the grand high exhausted leader of snevil.com

© 2002 Melpomene Whitehead