GRATING CARDSTM
The Cards You Send to People You Hate!TM

HOW TO SEND A GOD DAMN FUNNIES GRATING CARDTM TO YOUR ARCH-NEMESIS (or other personal enemy)
Sending a card to someone you despise is easy and fun. Just follow the instructions at each step along the way. Only you and the recipient will know how to find the card.

After you are finished, you will be shown a preview. If you do not like your card, you may edit it and then send it, or just cancel. The hated enemy will receive e-mail advising him, her or it where to find the card.

STEP #1: PICK A BEE-YOO-TI-FULL PICTURE
Please select a picture from the list below using the little radio button selector. You may only pick one picture per card. If you want to see a full size image of a picture, just click on it. The smarter among you will do that before filling in any information on this page, just so they do not risk losing their work after returning from viewing the image.

I'd Beat You Up (If You Weren't Bigger)
Wish you were seven feet tall so you could beat everybody up? Well in the meantime, you can let them all know what you WOULD do if you could with this deluxe hand-drawn BALDY BIGGS Grating Card! Send one to your bullying classmate! Send one to your mom! Send one to your little sister!
I Don't Like You--Wanna Have Sex?
For those special times when you'd like her to shut her mouth and put out! Nothing expresses loveless and affectionless rutting better than a fresh picked God Damn Funnies Grating Card! Let that special person know you care enough to send them only the finest e-mail card in exchange for sex.
I Hope This Illness Kills You!
Have a ex-friend or former loved one a bit under the weather? Sometimes it just takes a little perspective to perk people up. Make certain they don't get it with this depressing, hateful downer of a card.
STOP BREEDING, YOU PIG!
Here is the perfect choice for a friend or family member that has recently gotten knocked up. Recommended by Planned Parenthood. This museum quality print will surely become their wallpaper image for generations to come. Unless they take your advice, at which point they might not have any future generations.
One Year Closer To Your Death!
Do you know somebody who has a birthday coming up? Our Birthday Grating CardTM makes just the perfect gift. Priced right too! Tight for time? No problem. Your gift will arrive in just minutes anyplace on this planet we like to call Earth.
Bereaved? I Say HAAA!
Someone you hate just have a loved-one croak on them? Let them know they won't get any sympathy from you with this indefensibly nasty card. Write something particularly abusive and who knows? You might drive them to oblivion themsleves!
(God Damn Funnies does not endorse driving people to suicide).

STEP #2: NAME AND E-MAIL INFORMATION
In the boxes below, please enter both your's and the victim's name and e-mail addresses.

PLEASE BE CERTAIN OF RECIPIENT'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
Your Name:
Your E-Mail Address:
Recipient's Name:
Recipient's E-Mail Address:

STEP #3: SELECT YOUR TEXT AND BACKGROUND COLORS
Using the two selector pulldowns below, please select your text and background colors. The script will not check to see if you have both colors set the same, so if you want your recipient to be able to read the card, please select two different colors!

TEXT COLOR BACKGROUND

STEP #4: ENTER YOUR TITLE & MESSAGE
In the box below, please enter your angry message. Please feel free to use foul language and/or HTML to express yourself!

Card Title
Your Message

STEP #5: SIGN YOUR GOD DAMN FUNNIES GRATING CARDTM
Please fill in below how you would like to sign your card. Examples would be:
  • Love, Your Mother
  • Please Die, Signed Fred
  • Fuck Off, You Asshole!
  • Eat Me, Your Ex-Lover
  • Peace Out, George Bush, Jr.

STEP #6: PICK STUPID BACKGROUND MUSIC!
Please make a selection or skip this step for no music.

STEP #7: PROCEED TO PREVIEW OR START OVER
You are now ready to preview your card! To do so, just click on the PREVIEW button below. If you want to clear the form and start all over, select START-OVER. Your card will not be sent until you press the SEND-CARD button on the preview screen.